Measure one's worth

 

We crave the approval of others. This seems to be part of the human condition. Everyone wants to be liked, and what better signs of approval are there than applause, trophies, and certificates? We finish our performance and glow as the crowd claps their hands. We adorn our shelves with our hard-won trophies and decorate our walls with certificates that prove our worthiness. All symbols of approval.

But after the crowd leaves the auditorium, their applause is nothing but a memory—an echo lost in time. Our certificates fade in the sun, slowly degrading to nothing. And our trophies tarnish as the years pass.

What does this tell us? Should we conclude that the approval of others is not worth seeking? Not at all. We need social relationships, and approval is better than disapproval or mere indifference. But we should put things in perspective. Aim to be the best person you can be, regardless of awards or applause. External validation does not last, and a life pursuing them for their own sake will never bring contentment. After all, there's always another certificate to be hung on the wall, and we may ask how many are required for fulfillment. Do they really matter?

Perhaps we should remind ourselves that happiness can be found in our actions rather than pieces of paper.

Seeking approval

We crave the approval of others. This seems to be part of the human condition. Everyone wants to be liked. And what better signs of approval are there than applause, or trophies, or certificates? We finish our performance and glow as the crowd claps their hands. We adorn our shelves with our hard won trophies, and decorate our walls with certificates that prove our worthiness. All symbols of approval.

But after the crowd leaves the auditorium, their applause is nothing but a memory - an echo lost in time. Our certificates fade in the sun, slowly degrading to nothing. And our trophies tarnish as the universe inevitably moves towards maximum entropy.

What does this tell us? Should we not seek the approval of others? Not at all. We need social relationships, and approval is better than disapproval or mere disinterest. But we should put things in perspective. We should be the best person we can be regardless of awards or applause. Those things do not last, and a life pursuing them for their own sake will never bring contentedness. After all, there's always another certificate to be hung on the wall. But how many are required for fulfillment? How many will make us truly happy? Do they really matter?

Perhaps we should remind ourselves that happiness can be found in our actions rather than the pieces of paper people give us.

Whose opinion matters?

Nervousness, anxiety, embarrassment. We spend so much time with these emotions. They're like unwelcome friends following us through life; getting in the way and bringing us down. But why do we attract such friends? Perhaps because we have a desperate need to be liked; to have the approval of others. We ask ourselves, what if I screw up my presentation? What if my friends don't like my haircut? What if my dinner party falls flat? People will talk. People will judge. People will laugh. People, people, people. 

Who are these people that take such an interest in our small failings? Many of them are in our minds. We imagine what people might be thinking, while in reality they aren't thinking about us at all. Instead, they're thinking about themselves. We need not concern ourselves with their thoughts.

But what of the people who do notice? We place great weight on their thoughts. And yet, if we knew more about them, their respect might not matter to us. They might be nasty people with unsavory opinions about the world. If we knew them, we probably wouldn't like them. We needn't gain the respect of people who we, ourselves, don't respect.

So, whose respect should we seek? Whose opinion really matters? We should look to ourselves for answers to those questions. People will think whatever they want. We have no control over that. But we do have control over the strength of our own character. We should measure ourselves against our own integrity. What matters is our opinion of our own efforts to live a just and honorable life.

Live well. Impress yourself with your efforts and you will likely find that your presentation goes well; you like your haircut; and your dinner party is a success.

Missing out on my promotion

Practical philosophy, my friends, is a worthy pursuit. By using the techniques of philosophical reasoning, practical philosophy can help people see their life problems in a different light. Yesterday I was conversing with someone who had missed out on a job promotion. My friend was feeling a mix of anger and depression. She had deduced that failing to gain her promotion meant that she, herself, was a failure. Her reasoning was straight forward and deductively valid, though unsound:

Online addiction

Last week I met an interesting young person, named Ella, who was most distressed. She had been cut off from the Internet and this was causing her anxiety. Her Internet exile was imposed by her parents and her subsequent anxiety, it seems, resulted from her isolation from friends, who themselves remained online. I took it upon myself to help this young person examine her anxiety.