Fear of the future

Many of our fears and anxieties exist in the imagination. We ruminate over future events that may never come to be. I might be late to work. Inflation might increase my mortgage rate. That small bump might be cancer. We don't know that these events will become reality, but in obsessing over them we limit the joy we find in the present moment.

Should we then ignore the future and focus only on the here and now? This is a tempting solution, but it may leave us unprepared for life's challenges. Perhaps a better solution is to underscore the word "might". There are many possible futures. Some become reality, but most do not. We should prepare for possible futures objectively. If we rehearse these events by somehow removing ourselves, then we can prepare without torturing ourselves with anxiety. Play out future scenarios in the mind as if they are happening to someone else. Doing this requires no fear or suffering.

We know bad things happen. So, we should not be surprised when things go wrong. Preparation can help us deal with bad luck when it occurs. The trick is to avoid fearing things that may never happen.

Be your own best advisor

Bad things happen. And short-term problems can seem the most tragic. We catastrophize. I lost all my work when the computer crashed; my car won't start, so I'll never make it to my appointment; spilling that sauce ruined my only decent shirt. Why me? Life is so unfair. 

But when these things happen to other people, we have a different response. Our detachment helps put problems into perspective. We calmly remind our friend that the computer auto-saves; that a bus drives past every 10 minutes; that they have many other shirts. There are very few problems with no solution.

Perhaps it is part of the human condition to judge events more severely when they happen to ourselves rather than to other people. That's why it helps to practice detachment. We should try to remember how we respond when bad events happen to someone else. When you're faced with a difficult event, detach yourself. Imagine that it has happened to your friend. Then, give yourself the advice you would offer that friend. Be calm, and help yourself to put things into perspective. Be your own best advisor.